Communicating Rest With Your Spouse
Rest? What's rest? I know EVERY mom is thinking this...because who has time for rest when you're chasing after kids, working from home, cleaning, preparing meals, wiping butts, and chauffeuring every one in Timbuktu around town??
But mommas, if I'm being honest...rest is essential for your well being; Not the, pop down on the couch for a hot minute while your two year old drinks his chocolate milk kind of rest though. I'm talking about the kind of rest that truly rejuvenates your spirit, leaves you filled up, and ready to take on the next day. THAT is true rest.
People often mistake the former kind of rest (quickly resting on the couch) for the latter, when in fact rest is never a quick fix; rest doesn't happen in a moment, rest doesn't happen in a second. In motherhood, we need to give ourselves a time out every once in a while, in fact, resting, true rest, should occur daily.
I know this because, for the last 4 years I have not allowed myself to experience true rest. I didn't know how to and I didn't understand how truly important rest was. I grew up with a father that was always a "doer," the minute he saw a problem, he would fix it; the second he noticed a hole, he would fill it. He loved/loves to stay busy. He finds joy in "doing" and getting stuff accomplished. And in a large way I acquired that "do it" mentality. But when I met my husband I soon realized that his level of "doer" FAR outweighed my own.
So what does life look like with a doer like my husband?
It looks productive, accomplished, and INCREDIBLY busy. A doer constantly has something on their mind; whether it be their next project, their next task, their "to do" list, how their going to accomplish x, y, and z, why they haven't accomplished x, y, and z, AND what are you doing to help them do. It's truly NEVER ENDING. So life for me, with having a father and a husband that are both incredibly high doers has always looked busy. And this quality is largely why my husband and I work so well together; we like to get stuff done and once we say it out loud, we always get it done.
However, because of this, I have been unable to experience that true rest I was talking about. And there is only so much "doing" you can do before you are left high and dry; unable to perform any more. A couple months ago, I experienced that breaking point and it took a lot of prayer and restoration of the heart to understand my own needs as a woman, wife, and mother. Because I'm guessing that you too desire to be the best person you can be at all times and when you fall short of that you feel guilty, restless, tired, and like a failure. But let me tell you something kick ass mommas, no matter how much you mess up, you are NOT failure.
And there is only so much "doing" you can do before you are left high and dry; unable to perform any more.
So when i'd had this revelation/breaking point, I realized something...it's time to stop; stop doing, stop being, stop forcing. It's time to truly rest. But like I mentioned earlier, doers want to also know what YOU are doing to "do" with them and so when they suddenly find you on the couch reading a novel, they look at you crooked like...
WOMEN HAVE YOU JUST LOST YOUR DAMN MIND???? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
But here's the thing, communication in marriage is key; not to be confused with confrontation. We aren't looking for an argument, but merely a way to express our inner most selves in order to better our relationship. So in my situation, I had to explain in depth about my decision to rest daily and what that was going to look like; I had to reassure him that this was not a cop out to get out of working on projects (although it is a nice excuse...), or that this wasn't a ploy to be lazy. But that in order to function as the best me I could be, I needed him to understand the importance and the magnitude of this decision. I had to be very descriptive about what rest looks like to me and how he can't make me feel bad about it, that he too needed to be mindful of this sacred time and know that in order to create a home, I needed to make room for me as well.
By having this conversation, I allowed him to see the importance of this decision and for him also to understand my heart a little bit better.
"And yet, 'Better to have one handful with quietness (rest) than two handfuls with hard work and chasing the wind.'" -Ecclesiastes 4: 6
So mommas, please don't forget how important it is for YOU to truly rest; figure out what that looks like for you. And create space for it in your everyday.
xoxo, Tessa
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